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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28317378">I Leave the Light on for You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialpippin/pseuds/artificialpippin'>artificialpippin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Lesbian AU, Oneshot, at least that's what we're aiming for, cis girl au, jankie, moments in time that show them falling in love, they're book swapping lesbians your honour</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:27:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28317378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialpippin/pseuds/artificialpippin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jackie thinks that Jan is like a wildfire - warm, intense, unpredictable. Jackie feels like she is doused in gasoline, waiting for Jan to swallow her whole and take her down in her hot love bubble.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jackie Cox/Jan Sport</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Leave the Light on for You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maxyfairy/gifts">Maxyfairy</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi all! here is my submission for the song fic exchange - hosted by atresia, gifted to the wonderful maxyfairy! 💖</p><p>Inspired by the song Ich lass für dich das Licht an (I Leave the Light on for You), by Revolverheld ✨</p><p>I hope you enjoy!!</p><p>as always, come say hi on tumblr - aqpippin x</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It starts as a sincere gesture from Brita.</p><p>Jackie thinks she has spoken to the new music teacher once, maybe twice, before. Only ever in passing, only ever with Brita present. But there’s something about Jan’s wide smile and warm laughter that draws Jackie in, and to say that she was surprised to have received a text from the blonde saying that Brita had passed on her number would have been a lie. </p><p>Soon enough, Brita is no longer needed to mediate their small talk. Brief conversations become convenient exchanges - Jan asks to borrow the copy of <i>Movement in Black</i> that she notices peeking out of Jackie’s bag, sticky note annotations and all. In turn Jan leaves the brunette with her worn copy of <i>When Katie Met Cassidy</i>; and even though Jackie knows she probably won’t read it, there’s something about the pink and peach cover that reminds her of Jan, so she finds herself tucking it into her bag and thanking the blonde nonetheless.</p><p>They move to purposeful interactions in a way that makes Jackie’s stomach churn with unfamiliarity, but that isn’t to say that the feeling is unwelcome. They drink coffee and go beyond idle conversation while monitoring study hall on a rainy Thursday afternoon - Jackie tells Jan why she became a teacher, and Jan asks Jackie out to dinner on Saturday like it’s the most nonchalant request in the world. Maybe it is. Jackie prefaces her answer with a long-winded disclaimer that she doesn’t usually go out with her coworkers, but when Jan tells her to shut up and answer the question, she agrees with a meek smile that she manages to hide behind her coffee cup.</p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>Jackie isn’t entirely sure how they managed to stay in a dimly lit Italian restaurant until it was nearly closed, but she isn’t mad about it. Jan is sitting across from her, swallowing down the last sips of sangiovese that are lingering in the bottom of her glass. Her lips are stained in shades of reds and purples, and the diamond earrings that sway as she drinks catches the glow of the candle on the table and sends light dancing across the tablecloth and across Jackie’s hands. Jackie admires how relaxed Jan looks in her chair, the stem of her glass is sitting daintily between two fingers, and Jackie can just make out a sly grin that appears on Jan’s face between sips. Jackie rolls her eyes and shakes her head, and Jan simply winks at her in response. </p><p>Jan persuades Jackie to walk home with her in the cool October air - Jan talks about her brothers and how she used to play soccer as a teen, Jackie tells the tales of being an only child and talks about the time she snuck out to go to Chicago pride. They reach Jan’s apartment building just before midnight, and when they arrive Jackie realises they’re holding hands. She’s not sure when it happened, but she likes it. Jan’s hands are soft and the way the blonde is running her thumb across Jackie’s hand makes shivers run down the brunette’s spine. They stand outside in silence for a few moments, and when Jan invites Jackie inside to help her finish a bottle of merlot that’s been sitting in her fridge, Jackie is surprised by how quickly she says yes. </p><p>Jackie learns that Jan has an eye for Jenifer Prince illustrations and is bad at keeping houseplants alive. There’s a drooping monstera in the corner of Jan’s living room, and even though Jackie swears it’s sacrilegious to have let it get to that point in the first place, she teaches Jan how to bring the leaves back to life. They talk and drink all through the night; and right as the pinks and oranges of sunrise start to peer through the blinds, Jackie learns that Jan’s lips are warm and soft and taste like cherries. <i>Oh</i>, Jackie thinks - and her brain screams at her for more. They kiss and giggle like giddy teenagers until the sky turns blue, and waves of contentment wash over them like tsunamis. It feels smooth, easy, comfortable. Jackie thinks that being with Jan is different. She knows being with Jan is different. Her brain is on fire, and Jan is openly pouring gasoline onto an already raging flame. </p><p>“I have to go home,” Jackie mumbles, lips brushing lightly against Jan’s, “I need coffee, and a shower. And a nap.”<br/>
“Just stay,” Jan coos, “I have coffee and a shower and a bed. You don’t <i>have</i> to go.”</p><p>So Jackie stays. </p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>The first time Jan spends the night at Jackie’s apartment, she finds herself <i>really</i> looking at the arched bookshelf that leads to Jackie’s bedroom. She was captivated the first time she saw it, and every other time she has looked at it she thinks it screams Jackie; but this time she finds herself admiring the worn covers and reveling in the smell of ageing paper, and she can hear Jackie laugh from behind her.<br/>
“Pick one,” Jackie mumbles, brushing her shoulder against Jan’s on her way through to the bedroom, “whatever one you want.” She’s drawn to the aegean cover of a Julie Marie Wade anthology, so she pulls it from the shelf and follows Jackie. </p><p>A 10pm Jackie is very different to an 8am Jackie. More relaxed, less put together. Messy bun, thick glasses, big t-shirt. She’s sat up against the headboard and reading <i>the Muse of the Violets</i>, sticky flags within reach. They read in silence, nothing to be heard except for pages turning and Jan occasionally asking Jackie about a note she’s scribbled in the margins. </p><p>Jackie is the first to succumb to tiredness, and after she’s placed the book on her bedside table and burrowed herself under the covers, she realises that Jan hasn’t moved. She’s still reading, lamp still on, room too bright for Jackie’s liking. She tries to ignore it, tries to sleep with her back to Jan - but between the light in the room and the noise on the streets below them, Jackie can’t seem to fall asleep. So she gets up, pads out to the dark kitchen, leans against the countertop and contemplates just waiting Jan out. It’s a short lived plan because soon enough Jan is standing in the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed and a confused look on her face. </p><p>“Everything okay?” Jan queries, helping herself to a glass of water and leaning against the counter opposite Jackie. Jackie hums and nods, and goes to speak again but Jan cuts her off, “you like all the lights off, don’t you?” Jackie nods meekly and Jan smiles softly before laughing and pulling Jackie into her arms.<br/>
“I can turn the light off gorg, no biggie,” Jackie can’t help but laugh at how silly she feels, “all you gotta do is ask.” </p><p>So they go back to bed. </p><p>Jan turns off the light, and she curls into Jackie’s side with a soft sigh. Jackie thinks it’s a little strange, having someone spend the night in her bed. She expected to feel smothered, expected herself to recoil from Jan’s affinity for cuddling - but those feelings never come. Jan is soft and warm - she smells like lavender and Jackie thinks that the sleeptalking is somewhat endearing. She could definitely get used to this. </p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>High schools had always been a breeding ground for rumours. For Jackie to think that students wouldn’t have noticed her and Jan arriving at the same time, that they wouldn’t have seen them together around the city? Stupid. </p><p>When a student asks Jackie in fourth period English if Jackie is dating <i>Miss Mantione</i>, she’s quick to shut it down and direct the whispers and giggling back to their essays on the subversion of societal values in <i>Emma</i> and <i>Clueless</i>. Jan is caught off guard when another student asks her the same question, but she doesn’t deny it. Word makes it back to Jackie’s classroom, and the panic that sets in sees Jackie dismissing her students almost ten minutes early so she can all but sprint to Jan’s room. </p><p>The hush that falls over Jan’s ninth grade class when they see Jackie standing outside is almost deafening, and when Jan follows the gaze of her students to an anxious Jackie outside, she is quick to bring everyone’s attention back to her before issuing extra homework in exchange for an early dismissal. Students giggle and smile at Jackie as they walk past, and when Jackie finally walks inside Jan is sitting at her desk like nothing has happened. </p><p>“This is bad, Jan,” Jackie mumbles, digging the toe of her shoe into the linoleum flooring and grimacing at the squeak, “we can’t have kids prying into our personal lives.”<br/>
“It’s not prying if they already know the truth, Jacks,” Jan shrugs, taking a large sip from her water bottle, “I’m not going to lie to my students. We <i>are</i> dating, and that’s all they need to know. It’s not bad, they’re just curious.” <i>Oh</i>. The blonde made a salient point. Maybe that's all there was to it. </p><p>When they walk back to Jackie’s car that afternoon, they are asked point blank by multiple students if they’re dating - to which they both just say <i>yes</i> and keep walking. Jackie tightens her hands around the steering wheel a few times, watching the colour drain from and return to her knuckles. </p><p>“Bad was too strong a word,” she whispers, looking straight out through the windshield and not at Jan, “this isn’t bad, we aren’t bad. I didn’t mean -”<br/>
“I know,” Jan says simply, grabbing Jackie’s jaw and turning her head, “I know.” The blonde offers a small smile that says she gets it, and Jackie leans in and kisses her. </p><p>It’s just a few soft pecks, but the motion catches them both by surprise. They’re kissing. In the car. Where anyone could see them. But Jackie doesn’t really care. Jan gets it. Jan gets <i>her</i>.</p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>Slowly but surely, their lives start to integrate in many ways. Jan starts spending more time at Jackie’s place than her own, and what was once a few shirts and some pyjamas in part of Jackie’s top drawer quickly becomes a full drawer of Jan’s things. Jackie doesn’t really know how or when it happened, but she likes it. Likes having Jan around more often, likes that Jan pushes her boundaries. </p><p>Jan’s pastel pink <i>Lover</i> vinyl set sticks out like a sore thumb amongst Jackie’s records - most of which are muted tones of black and white and beige. Jackie doesn’t even really like Taylor Swift, but she finds herself listening to it when Jan isn’t around because it reminds her of the blonde. So Jackie moves some of her records into the closet and asks Jan to bring around some more of hers. They go to local performances by artists Jackie has never heard of because Jan likes them, and they watch sappy rom-coms even though Jackie hates them because it’s Jan’s favourite genre. She may have even shed a few tears at the end of <i>All My Life</i> - but if Jan noticed, she didn’t say anything (which Jackie appreciates). Some of Jan’s books end up on Jackie’s bookcase, and eventually Jackie changes the bulb in the lamp on Jan’s side of the bed to one that’s a little dimmer, one that suits them both. </p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>Jan is the first to realise she’s in love. She realises it in the middle of January, after the holidays and when the snow is still falling. She’s known it for a while, known that a part of her has always loved Jackie. But the first time she felt ready enough to say it out loud was one night as they were getting ready for bed. Jan hadn’t spent the night at Jackie’s since before the brunette flew back to Canada for Christmas - and even afterwards between the holidays and working, they hadn’t been able to spend as much time together. But they move around Jackie’s apartment with comfort and familiarity - as if they had never been apart, as if Jan had been there the whole time. </p><p>Jackie is brushing her teeth when Jan sees a book on Jackie’s bedside table that looks all too familiar. She knows the pink cover, knows the soft page edges.<br/>
“Is that my book?” Jan asks loudly, crawling over from her side of the bed to Jackie’s and digging it out from under a glass of water, Jackie’s glasses and a tub of hand cream.<br/>
“Huh?” Jackie’s head pokes around the corner meekly, toothbrush loosely hanging from her mouth. There’s a thin ring of minty foam around her mouth, her hair is a mess and her eyes are bleary from too much lesson planning, but Jan thinks that this is her favourite Jackie. No professional facade, no dark-academia-teacher clothing - just her minty fresh, oversized t-shirt wearing, bed-headed girlfriend.<br/>
“Is this the book I gave you?” she holds the offending novel up, and Jackie nods with a smile. And that’s when Jan sees the sticky flags. They’re red and pink to match the book’s cover, and Jan feels her heart swell, “are you annotating my book?”<br/>
“I have thoughts. I want to discuss them when I’m done.” And then she’s gone, back to brushing her teeth and Jan swears she can hear Jackie humming Ariana Grande as she goes. </p><p>Jan sits in complete awe until Jackie comes back. And then the word vomit begins.<br/>
“I want to tell you something, and I know you’re going to freak out,” Jan prefaces, and Jackie leans against the doorway inquisitively, “I love you.” Despite clear instructions, Jackie freaks out. She cocks her head to the side and nods, alternates between her jaw slacking and pressing her lips together.<br/>
“I, Jan.. I -”<br/>
“I don’t expect you to say it back. I just think you deserve to know where I’m at,” Jan muses, pulling back the blankets and patting the sheets for Jackie to join her, “come cuddle.” Jackie is confused to say the least. Jan confesses her love .. and then asks to cuddle? Surely there's more to it than that.<br/>
“Wait. Why would you stay if you know I’m not saying it back?” Jackie crosses her arms over her chest and digs her toe into the hardwood flooring.<br/>
“Why would I leave?” Jan asks simply, fluffing her pillow and laying down, “I’m not going to leave because you didn’t tell me you love me. I’m not that easy to get rid of, Jacks.” Jan pats the sheets once again and turns off her lamp. Jackie moves to her side of the bed tentatively, and curls herself around Jan. </p><p>Jackie thinks that Jan is like a wildfire - warm, intense, unpredictable. Jackie feels like she is doused in gasoline, waiting for Jan to swallow her whole and take her down in her hot love bubble. She can see it happening, knows it’s going to happen, but until then she is happy to bask in the glow of Jan’s love.</p><p>Maybe it really is this simple. </p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>Jackie realises she is in love at the start of February. She realises it on a dreary Tuesday before sunrise. Her and Jan are waiting in line at their favourite coffee house, keep cups in hand. They’re the matching star sign ones Jan got them for Christmas even though they agreed they weren’t doing Christmas presents. Jan’s is a sleek black, and somehow Jackie’s is a bright coral - she despises the colour, knows it clashes with everything she owns, but can’t bring herself to deny the joy it brings her. </p><p>There is a lot going on around them. Between the hustle of the streets outside, the sound of coffee being ground and the feeling of Jan shivering against her; Jackie would usually feel overwhelmed. But with her bright keep cup in hand and her beacon of joy in front of her - everything else just fades away. The world is quiet when she’s with Jan, and nothing else matters as long as Jan is there. </p><p>“Hey,” Jackie’s voice is hoarse from the cold, and Jan turns around to meet her gaze, “I have to tell you something, but you <i>cannot</i> freak out.” Jan rolls her eyes and laughs, nudging Jackie with her shoulder.<br/>
“Babe, I know that it was you who took my <i>Sweetener</i> vinyl. It’s not a big deal,” Jan goads, giggling when Jackie scoffs and feigns innocence, “what’s up, buttercup?”<br/>
“I love you,” Jan all but squeals, and Jackie has to verbally shush her so as not to draw any more attention to themselves, “I said no freaking out.”<br/>
“Jacks, I -”<br/>
“You don’t have to say it back,” the brunette jests, flipping her hair over her shoulder, “I just thought you deserved to know -”<br/>
“Shut up and kiss me.”</p><p>
  <b>~</b>
</p><p>It’s just past midnight on a Saturday when Jackie finishes <i>When Katie Met Cassidy</i>, and it takes all her energy not to scream at the top of her lungs how much she loved the ending.<br/>
“Jaaaan,” Jackie whines, poking Jan’s side as she turns the page of <i>If Not, Winter</i>, “I have to discuss this ending with you.” The brunette is practically radiating excitement, and yet Jan hasn’t even looked up from her book.<br/>
“Make a note and come back to me tomorrow,” Jan coos as she pats Jackie’s thigh, still without looking up, “I’m reading Sappho.” Jackie huffs yet does it anyway, takes a large sticky note and scribbles her thoughts down before they all disappear.<br/>
“If you’re interested, there’s a copy of <i>Written in the Stars</i> on the bookshelf, I thought you might enjoy it. It’s so cheesy, you’ll love it.” Jackie laughs and shakes her head as she takes off her glasses and starts to burrow under the blankets.<br/>
“Give me a minute and I’ll turn the light off.” Jan mumbles, raking her fingers through Jackie’s hair with one hand as she tries to finish the poem she’s on.<br/>
“No, no,” Jackie yawns, curling herself into Jan’s side, “you don’t have to.”</p><p>And so, for the first time ever, Jackie falls asleep with the light on. </p><p>And that’s how Jan knows she’s in love.</p>
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